"The next time that someone asks me, 'Are you living your dream?' I guess I'll know what to say. I won't even have to think." Now, I am sure when Colbie Caillat wrote this song living in the "bush-bush" of Africa is the last dream she had in mind. But for the past few weeks the Lord has been bringing this phrase to my mind. And the more I meditate on it, the more I realize how much it applies to this season of my life...
So often throughout these past three months I've found myself contemplating the true beauty of grace. The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair. More specifically, the beauty of grace is the message of salvation; the message that not after we started to become perfect did the Son of God come to Earth to set us free from our past transgressions. No, but rather while we were still sinners He came to receive our punishment for, not our past sins, but our sins of past, present, and future-of yesterday, today, and tomorrow-thoughts and deeds alike. Ephesians chapter 2 (verses 6-10) says,
"God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been save, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
It is my hope that I am not only willing to acknowledge this grace as I set out for each day, but that I would be radical and courageous enough to take full responsibility for these "good works" the Bible tells me I am predestined to do. This isn't going to be easy; it likely will not be very popular at times, or maybe not even very enjoyable. (For instance, pit toilets are very much unenjoyable especially after a few months, I tell you!) Learning to take on this responsibility is going to be a great feat. Titus chapter 2 (verse 12) tells us that this grace "teaches us to say 'No' to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age!" It's not about attaining perfection in the future, but about working to develop our character now.
Unfortunately, in today's society this isn't a very popular idea, even among many Christians-Christians who would rather live their lives in the light of the gospel of salvation rather than working for the gospel of the Kingdom. But that's okay, because I don't want my life to be lived in a box; there should be no box that anyone can fit me in other than the one that has been uniquely shaped, by God, for me alone. I have been called to be in the world, but in no way am I to be of the world. I want to confuse people, make them think. I want to be a juxtaposition. I want to be like the Rabi that hung out with thieves!
With this in mind, there shouldn't be anywhere that I feel I fit in perfectly; nowhere on this earth I feel I belong. But there is always going to be somewhere I am called. And right now, that's Kenya....So often in the midst of this journey I feel out of place! I'm sitting in the bush-bush of Africa and so often feeling like a fish out of water: a (very) white muzungu in an African world; an Oregon raincloud being dried up by the hot sun; a fragile flower being pressed down by the wind. Sometimes I'm struck by the fact that I really, truly am a world away from all I call familiar-everything I know! But yes, still I can honestly say that this is me living out the dream. Right now, for these next couple months, this is exactly where I am called to be. Then it's Rwanda for a short trip, and then it's home. I know there's work God has for me at home to do too. But how long God will call me to stay there, or where He will call me to go after that, well that's in His hands, and I know He'll fill me in when the time comes.
Now that's scary; it's scary to not know where He wants me to go next! But that's where remembering where I belong comes into play. I belong in Christ, and as long as I'm in Him, I am secure being anywhere in the world. I'm not saying I've been dreaming of pit toilets, strange food, orange feet at the end of every day, crazy wild animals waiting outside our base at night, or weird scary little things that crawl throughout my whole life. In fact, I can say that I've never dreamt of that. But the other day I realized just how perfectly God's been preparing me for this experience over the past four or five years. Yes, my past two trips to Rwanda were definitely a big help, but God's planning has been more intricate than that. For years now, I've been volunteering with my church's food ministry program. The first couple years I would go to church with my mom and help cook lunch for people in the community, serve it to them, and interact with them while we ate together. But for the past two years I have been working with another part of the food ministry called The Market-going through donated food from grocery stores in the community and organizing it all in such a way that it was set up like a market for the lunch guest to go through and collect whatever food they could use for that upcoming week. Since being here at DTS, my work duty has been Kitchen (cooking and cleaning dishes) for the first month, and Hospitality (serving and cleaning the speaker's living area) for the past 2, and during outreach I will be working in the Kitchen department (planning meals and making sure we have all the food items we need wherever we're at that week). Coincidence? Well, considering I don't believe in coincidences, I don't think so...It's encouraging to see how God's had has been over me this whole time.
Right now, I can feel in my spirit this is exactly where God has called me to be at this time in my life. And as we are preparing to leave on outreach throughout Kenya for the next 9 weeks my spirit is rejoicing that this is exactly what God is calling me to do. This outreach is exactly why I've been brought to Kenya. And the fact that it is finally here, while stressful because I have to pack all over again in preparation to live out of a backpack for two months, is absolutely thrilling! This is the dream; that Christ no longer calls me servant, but friend and I am carrying out the work that has been appointed to me! (John 15:15-16) The dream that I am exactly where God has called me to be, doing exactly what He has called me to do. The dream...is what I am living. So, next time someone asks me, "Are you living the dream?" I'll know exactly what to say.
~Chloe Anne
